Save Room, Don't Take Panties

the past weeks have been spent parsing through my every belonging. there are two lessons learned. i have way too much stuff and the George Carlin comedy routine about people and their stuff is true. it is times like this that i truly appreciate my ipod and computer. it is so easy to compress all the music i love into a small ipod. however, the decisions have been made and the final list was approved for all my belongings. the majority of my stuff is in boxes ready for storage while the rest is ready to travel over the atlantic ocean for its new home.

along the way, there was hotly debated objects in my head. how many dildos do i take? do i buy a new computer over there or take my current one? the first question was the most important. a girl has to get off from time to time. yes, i have dry spells just like everyone else and need to take matters in my own hands. readers are aching to ask, how many? two. which dildos? one which goes buzz and a glass dildo.

i am reminded of the book Fight Club when talking about air travel with a vibrator. if you haven't read the book, it has a much better ending than the movie. the movie has a great lead up to a horrible end, typical hollywood bullshit.

there was a key piece of advice while choosing my objects. while i was venting on the phone to Slut, she tells me, "i don't know why you are so worried. Don't pack any panties and it will save you room." she was half serious and half wanting to make me laugh to calm myself down.

ultimately my advice to anyone traveling and worried about room: save room, don't take panties.

- miss wolfe

Yin and Yang

i am a bit of a starbucks junky of late. it is the fault of this one horse town for not having options. nevertheless, there are fun little bonuses to observant people while relaxing at starbucks. there were two excellent examples of good and bad observations today at the local coffee hang out.

the ridiculous
there was an older gentleman, would guess early 40's, sitting with this average looking, 20'ish, girl. it was obvious there was something going on between them. this isn't the bad part. if you are a man in your 40's pulling 20 something pussy, good for you. my issue started when this white man with greying hair and beer gut walks to the counter to obtain a refill. he was wearing teenage, rap/hip-hop shorts. the denim shorts that have their boxers hanging out the top and go down to mid-calf. it was difficult not to laugh aloud. i don't care who you are or if you can pull young female ass, dress for your age. its almost as bad as they guy who can't stop saying "dude" past college. unless you are keanu reeves or a surfer along the beach, give it up. p.s. keanu, you also look and sound foolish saying dude.

the fantastic
a woman, i would guess 40's again, walks into the starbucks with her friend. she had to be 5'10 or 11, long straight natural red hair, freckles, tight ass, and perky b-cups. she wore these grey work slacks that hugged her ass and a low cut blouse. every man in the place was staring at her. my brother who was sitting with me, a whole other story, caught sight of her and uttered "Fuck!"
this woman was a perfect 10 for any age. anyone paying attention knew she had a husband from the meteor sized diamond sitting on her ring finger. i wouldn't blame him for showering her with diamonds. he would want to keep her because she could be pulling hard, dick from young stallions. hell, i would get with her and let his ass watch. absolutely stunning. i didn't have my phone with me to take a photo but the next time i see her, you are going to get a picture.

- miss wolfe

God?

is god a man or a woman? if you believe the bible, god has to be a woman. why? there are two scenarios, you can decide which one is truer.

case for a male god

as we know from the bible, god created adam first. why would a guy create another guy first? either god was looking for a drinking buddy or god was gay and needed a lover. if god wanted a drinking buddy, there is no way he would send him off to the garden of eden. he would want his drinking buddy around to party. this doesn't make any sense to me. if god were a male and gay, it would make perfect sense. god and his boyfriend were getting along, then the boyfriend did something unforgivable. what would be the option? god would break up with him and banish him to a far away place. however, we all know how much religion hates gay people so this isn't really a possibility.

case for a female god

women want more than anything for a man to love them. therefore it makes sense for adam to be created first. everything went well for a week or so, then adam started leaving his fig leaves on the floor. god gets pissed and tells him to pick that shit up. adam, being a man, doesn't pick up the fig leaves. god kicks him out of heaven to the garden of eden. since god is a woman, we are vindictive, so she creates eve to torture adam in the garden of eden. eve walks around in her skimpy fig leaves causing adam to get blue balls. this backfires on god because the new woman digs adam. god can't have this, so she gives them some random rule: don't eat from this tree. of course eve gets pissed at god, "who does this bitch god think she is?" eve grabs the fruit and offers it to adam. now there is no going back for god. she kicks both their asses out of eden.

there is no doubt that god is a woman.

- miss wolfe