Just Plain Mean

my younger brother and i have a very adversarial, yet loving, relationship. it is expected considering we are a year apart.

i was outside stretching for a run this morning. the neighbor across the street came out of his house to go to work. we exchanged the ceremonial greeting and he must of felt chatty because there was some small talk. i stood there exchanging the small talk, not paying attention to anything in particular. out of nowhere, my brother sneaks up behind me and pants me in front of the neighbor. the neighbor is like 19 and lives with his parents so not like he minded. my brother takes off running inside.

after quickly pulling up my running shorts and thanking god i wore panties today, i took off after him. there was screaming and pounding on his door but he was entrenched and not leaving. before i left, i told him i would get even when he least expected it.

cut to later this afternoon, i was going shopping for some new running shoes and asked if my brother wanted to come along because he was complaining about getting a new hockey stick and some bearings for his rollerblades. we went to the area dick's sporting goods. i already knew the shoes to buy so it didn't take me long to get my stuff. i found my brother talking to some guy by the hockey stuff. something clicked in my mind and it was time for payback.

i walk up to my brother while he is talking to this stranger. they are talking about the hockey playoffs. i put my arm around him, like we are boyfriend and girlfriend. he gives me a "what the fuck" look. there was a break in the conversation and i take my moment.

"is he the guy you want to bring in to bed for the threesome?"

you could of heard a pin drop after the words escaped my mouth. the guy was stunned and my brother was so red faced with embarrassment. i looked at my brother and started to laugh so hard. i swear i could of pissed my pants. i walked away laughing while my brother tried to explain away my question. karma is a bitch sometimes.

- miss wolfe