Comedies

someone challenged me in my last fff post. i said i was sick of will ferrell movies. karyrogers commented, "You don't like Will Ferrell, ok, cool. What's your idea of an enjoyable comedy? Name a few." first, i never said i disliked will ferrell. i said i am sick of the same stupid movie year after year. this was the same with adam sandler back in the day. adam sandler grew in his choices of movies, going to movies like spanglish (one of my favorite movies), reign over me, and punch-drunk love. looking at the list of recent will ferrell movies, he plays a dumb/border line retarded guy who is accident prone. he does this well but the 10th time you see it, there is no humor in it. if he wants to continue this trend, do bit parts that aren't the main character. after all he was brilliant in movies like jay and silent bob strike back, old school, and zoolander.

second, the list of comedies is so big. it is hard to pick what would be good comedies to list. however, i will entertain you.
1. airplane! - this is a classic site gag movie, not to mention the play on words dialogue. this was the first movie that leslie neilson left the serious acting roles. who can forget the lines in that movie. "Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious. Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley. " the following movies using this genre start to suck. they just copied a movie to failure in my opinion.
2. blazing saddles and young frankenstein - i don't need to say anymore.
3. office space - i shouldn't have to say anything here. this is a brilliant movie that satires the modern office environment.
4. the big lebowski - again, i don't need to say anymore.
5. swingers - the movie that introduced us to jon favreau, he was around before but never really had a following. it is a darker comedy but wonderful. who can forget the incident where he keeps leaving messages on the heather graham's answering machine. "That was so money!"
6. clerks - the introduction of kevin smith. kevin smith has had some flops but this started out a brilliant career. it led to movies like mallrats (love ben affleck in this, the stink palm), dogma (the buddy jesus), and chasing amy.
7. 40 year old virgin - this movie is a classic in modern times. the awkwardness of the movie creates great comedic situations.
8. best in show - christopher guest is a brilliant writer/director. he sets up a movie with scenes and actors then lets them improv. this is the best improv movie around. the opening scene of the married people in counseling with their dog is so damn funny.

there are more that could be on the list but i cut it short or it would be a long ass list. i debated whether or not to put the jerk on this list, it is the only movie steve martin did that was funny. it didn't meet the repeatable movie test though. my repeatable movie test is can i stop channel surfing when it is on and watch it til the end (first on this list is animal house).

- miss wolfe

Space Hookers.

in NASA news, someone has determined that more study needs to be performed in the field of copulation and reproduction in space. when i read this article, my imagination ran wild. it made me think of some serious and not so serious questions.

the serious i am curious how they would pair up astronauts for these kinds of missions. would they be married or dating? would the astronauts have to be single to get one of these missions? it is a necessary thing to study because humans can't stay on earth forever. there is a life span to our planet, not to mention any sort of event that could happen to cause the end of humanity (is that really a bad thing). we would need to travel in space to get somewhere new. there would have to be some form of procreation to preserve the human race. there is the possibility of some serious developmental problems.

the not so serious my first thought deals with the title of this post. the first idea was to have space station brothels for long trips. you know where the astronauts can astronut. the next idea was space porn. anime movies don't count because its a fucking cartoon. although, it could be possible for a male baby born in space to have a tentacle penis. can you imagine if the guy missed the target. cum would be all over the place and not very easy to clean up. here i thought hotel maids had a rough job. one of the last questions was: where can i sign up?

- miss wolfe

Five Fact Friday (end of the world edition)

fact #1 Reality TV: the newest sign the world is doomed is on CBS not FOX, i know i am shocked too. it is called greatest american dog. the last time i checked the best dog in the united states was decided at the primier dog show in the country, the American Kennel Club National Championship. i didn't watch the show but caught the end where they eliminated a dog. this is the most pathetic thing i have ever seen. the male dog owner is crying like a 10 year old girl trying to reassure the dog its ok. he is consoling the dog that is standing there with no fucking clue what is happening. this is so pathetic. no wonder 99% of the people in this country are brain dead, they watch this shit.
fact #2 Obama and McCain: one more person tries to convince me that obama is somehow different from the other politicians (mostly john mccain) is going to get kicked in the nuts/box. he is a typical politician, flip-flopping, pandering to americans. the saddest part is the people buy into this "change". yeah mccain followers, obama is flip-flopping. hello! your choice does it too. he does it all the time. get a fucking grip on reality people! they are both wrong. RON PAUL please help us, you are our only hope!!!!
fact #3 Movies: i am not sure if you saw the shit they call movies this summer. the prime stuff is coming out right now. there is mama mia (i need all of half a nano second of the commercial to tell you this movie will suck harder than gigli and glitter), swing vote (just goes to show that the american people have no fucking clue how the president is elected or how the government works) and step brothers (another fucking retarded, blow my fucking brains out please, will ferrel movie that is exactly the same as the previous movie).
fact #4 FISA and the Patriot Act: these are two examples that the sheep of the united states didn't care enough about to write their congress men and women. THE GOVERNMENT IS TAKING AWAY OUR CONSTITUTIONAL FREEDOMS AND RIGHTS!!!!!!!!! i refuse to vote for anyone that voted for either of these two pieces of legislation.
fact #5 House Resolution 362 and Senate Resolution 580: everyone has heard the saying "Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it." these resolutions are similar to the resolutions that gave President Bush the authority to invade Iraq. this time it is geared to Iran. the wise people in the House and Senate are thinking "we have troops in Iraq and Afghanistan but we really need our military spread out further, lets start a war with Iran." how is this sane? i am dumbfounded by the complete lack of logical reasoning by the people we elect to office. to quote the first batman movie: "Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in, where a man dressed up as a bat gets all of my press? This town needs an enema!"

i think i got all the rant out of me. i hope it makes any sense.

- miss wolfe

Sex in the News

welcome back to my semi regular edition of sex in the news.

this really has nothing to do with the act of sex but more of an ouch. a major league baseball catcher fractured his testicle. i don't know how you men can live with that thing down there. it seems to attract things like flies to manure. this story made me cringe when i read it. i have heard of stories about a girl riding a guys dick and it breaks. it is the one time i am glad to say i don't have one of those things between my legs.

medical research has shown that the more guys have sex, the less chances they have of impotence. i refuse to call it erectile dysfunction. this is sort of saying a fuck a day, keeps the viagra away. this is also good news for sluts out there. they aren't really sluts, they are physical therapists. they are helping all those men prevent a medical disorder and increasing health insurance premiums. sluts never get the respect they deserve.

the amount of coffee you drink can affect your fertility. apparently, if you are a woman with fertility issues, drinking a lot of coffee can reduce your chances of pregnancy even further. i just heard a collective groan from the guys. they were thinking they needed to drink more coffee to kill their swimmers. my general rule in life is too much of anything is dangerous to your health or condition. oh, if you do drink coffee, please brush your teeth.

have you ever wondered what state can't i have sex with a porcupine? i have some great news for you, it is illegal in florida. this is a list of some unusual sex laws in the united states. on a good note, i will have to remember next time i see a hot trucker when driving home, don't fuck in a toll booth. the law wants to ruin all my fun. damn legislatures! i love laws like this, i wish i had the time to go and find all these obscure laws.

- miss wolfe

Five Fact Friday

fact #1 i ate ethiopian food for the first time this week. it was really freaking good food. the ironic part of it was i chose an entree that was all i could eat. this just seems wrong on so many levels.
fact #2 i, officially, have been to hell and back; hell, michigan that is. i resisted the temptation to buy the shirt though.
fact #3 my mail recently has been weird. it has been a lot of men telling me their dick size. i seriously want to know the reason why men measure their dicks. it is the most pointless thing. THE SIZE OF YOUR DICK DOESN'T TRANSFER TO THE ABILITY TO USE IT!!! the last sentence comes off a little angry but it makes my point.
fact #4 in my time off this weekend, i came up with a brilliant idea for a book/movie. i will never write it. this blog and my horrible grammar is enough punishment to the world.
fact #5 i am contemplating doing the 100 item challenge. the idea behind it is to limit the number of things you own to a 100 items. some things don't count, such as food, shared objects, cleaning supplies, for example.

- miss wolfe

Answers

i wasn't going to jump my cousin and fuck his brains out. it was one of those weird questions that popped in my head. on some level, it is so wrong. however, he is someone i would barely recognize so it could be some guy at a club that i ended up giving a hand job. its weird how it works out.

midwestern guy, i am disappointed in you. didn't you see the big sign in the midwest welcoming me as i entered the region for my summer job. the vacations will have to wait because i am working until august. the poor beach guys will have to find some other tourist to bone.

- miss wolfe

I Love Holidays!

my boss decided the holiday would be an extra long weekend. this means i have wednesday to sunday free. i have no clue what i am going to do for all these days. in the end, my ass will probably end up at a lot of parties. this could be a dangerous thing because i find myself getting a little wilder at the parties. the animal is coming out in me. it has been a while since the animal has been out so i might let it make an appearance.

- miss wolfe