Its the Law

i was going to write something about ecuador's "women's right to sexual pleasure", but i don't know that much about it to say anything definitive or funny about their sex lives. my only real experience with backwards thinking and sex is my church.

i can remember a religion class, with an ancient guy, informing us that sex is for reproduction only. it isn't about having fun or enjoying yourself, it is for child production. he was telling us how contraception, masturbation and being gay/bisexual is evil. i am a smart ass by nature so i had to speak up. i am catholic, who grew up in boston or ground zero for catholic pedophile priests. everyone knows about sex scandals in the catholic church. i mention this while the old fart is going off on sex. you would of thought i was the little kid from The Omen (the real movie, not the shitty remake). it is the first and only time i was sent to the office. however, it was worth it watching the guy's face turn red and the spittle come out of his mouth while he was yelling. the most awful sex talk ever! this is why you don't have religious institutions or prevailing religious values teaching sex to kids. i should say at the time, i was already having sex and whatever the guy told me was a complete joke and waste of time. sometimes, i think this country is backwards with its attitude towards sex and sexuality. this isn't one of those times because i could live in ecuador and need a constitutional law letting me enjoy sex.

-miss wolfe

What Was That?

there was a sex scene being filmed recently and one of the crew farted loudly. it bothered the actors, colin firth and helen hunt. (i am kind of amazed that anyone would want to see helen hunt in a sex scene.) i find it amusing that two people can pretend to have sex in front of a camera with a bunch of people watching and a fart would bother them. it got me to thinking about the way sex is portrayed in mainstream movies and the way it really happens. in the vast majority of movies, not porn; sex is this beautiful thing where everything happens so romantically, no one makes noises, nothing goes wrong, etc... .

if everyone had sex like they pretend in the movies, i don't think there would be any divorce rate in the world. i suppose i don't lend any help to this idea because i don't really write about the bad experiences in my blog. let's face it, there aren't too many people that want to read about bad sex. the truth is i do have bad sex. sex isn't always perfect. some of this is my fault, some of it is the other persons fault. i also have my fair share of embarrassing moments. some of my more embarrassing or foulest moments: burping in the middle of making out and farting while having sex. as i look back at them, i laugh. the question is, what have you done inappropriate while having sex or in an intimate setting with your significant other?

-miss wolfe

Five Fact Friday

fact #1 i have been on a lesbian streak lately. i need to get a dick this weekend.
fact #2 i have been waking up a lot during the middle of thing night this week. i am not having nightmares, i don't feel stressed, not horny, i don't know what is causing it.
fact #3 i watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory this week. i can't decide which one is a better movie. i like the 1971 film for the campy feel to it. however, i think johnny depp makes a better, creepier Willy Wonka. there is something creepy, yet satisfying of the sound of his rubber gloves. i noticed the actresses playing Veruca Salt in both pictures look a like, it is kind of weird.
fact #4 i need a line to tell people to get lost. if you ever notice on these horrible "find love" reality shows they have their line to tell people "go home". i don't know what i would say. i joke, what i really need is the theme song. i am just being silly because i don't know what to write.
fact #5 a guy gave me the nickname thumper once. thumper as in the bunny from Bambi. the story goes, we were hooking up in his truck (my redneck phase, lol). we were doing something in a park parking lot. we were having fun and for some reason my leg kept hitting the horn. if you were outside near the truck, you could hear little beeps coming from his truck.

- miss wolfe

Penises, Prostitutes and Facebook, Oh My.

a london police officer was sacked for having sex while at work. he was ordered to look into a buildings use. apparently there was some rumor it was being used for prostitution. the guy goes into the building and has sex with a prostitute. in my opinion, i think he made an open and shut case for the police. they have the nerve to fire him over doing his job. on a serious note, what the hell was this guy thinking. i am wondering if he busted the prostitute after having sex or talked about it to his buddies afterward. guys do the stupidest shit when it comes to sex.

this next story has forced me to do something i've never done. i read the terms of use for something. another UK person, this time a woman, set up a group in facebook called "i need sex". soon after she makes this group, men start joining the group. men are easy to figure out, they hear the words sex and see a woman its go time. she ends up having sex with 50 guys she meets from this group. facebook finds out about this group then kicks her off facebook. now i can't complain about what anyone does with their sex life. it sounds like an idea i probably would of thought of when i was wilder. she was older than 18, and as far as i know, she didn't charge for sex. she just met guys she thought were attractive and fucked. i don't see how this violates the terms of use for facebook. it should be no surprise that people meet on social networking sites and have sex. this is just an example of how the establishment thinks sex is bad. how dare people have sex? its like they forget they were conceived because their parents had sex. i hate saying this over and over again, SEX IS NOT BAD!!!!

this next bit is just weird. in the congo, sorcerers are being accused of shrinking men's dicks then telling the guy they can fix it for some money. this has people beating people to death. this has the best quote in story "It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny." there is so much to make note of here. it is hard to pick what to highlight. however, i love the quote so much. how does the man know they victim's dick was shrunk? does he have carnal knowledge of the victim? there is the stereotype that black men are supposed to have large dicks but this is just a stereotype. i have seen my fair share of dicks, each race has its big and small sizes. i can see the excuses men have when they meet a woman. "honestly baby, a witchdoctor touched me and my dick just shrunk. honest."

- miss wolfe

Treatment of Soldiers and Veterans

this is a little old but it has me so pissed off. an Army Spc. was discharged from the service because he is the sole surviving child of a family. the first brother died was a Marine serving in Iraq when he was killed. after his brother died, the Army Spc. and his younger brother joined the Army. they felt the call of duty to serve this country even though their brother died in the line of duty. the brothers requested to be in the same unit and where assigned per their request. they eventually go to iraq. one of the brothers die in a helicopter crash to which the other brother gets to go to the recovery. he was part of the team that found his brothers body. when the Army Spc. is discharged he is told that he has to pay back part of his signing bonus, removed his military transitional health care and removed his GI Bill benefits. he eventually got some of these penalties waived by contacting his congress people. however, it should of never come to this.

i have no problem with them pulling him out of a war zone or discharging him from further service in the Army. i think parents loosing two out of three sons to a war is way too high of a price. the actions of the government is reprehensible. it is a disgrace to the soldiers, marines, airmen and sailors that serve this nation honorably to punish them in this manner. the government did correct their mistake over time, but this mistake should of never been made. the people that serve this country give up their life to help protect us, ill chosen war or not. they deserve the utmost respect and the best benefits we can give them. over the past years, veteran benefits have been cut then cut again. we are punishing the people that answered a call to duty by their government or wanting to serve a greater good. they gave up part of their lives to be at the will of politicians. the same people that lie, cheat, etc... to get to a position of power to line their pockets. what kind of message are we sending to those that served or will serve in the future? it is the wrong message. our government is going back on an agreement with people that gave their life to serve. this government needs to get its ass in gear and treat the people that serve with the respect they deserve.

- miss wolfe

Five Fact Friday

fact #1 i love dc for the cherry blossoms. it is one of the better qualities of the area.
fact #2 i love the smell of freshly cut grass. it is something you don't get much of in a city. however, it makes me want to be outside.
fact #3 i was excited at one point to be voting in my first presidential election. i am not that way anymore. i hate clinton, i hate obama, i am not that happy with mccain but i will end up voting for him. it is depressing.
fact #4 i think i am going out to Arlington this weekend. i said this before but i am saying it again. there is something so solemn and inspiring about that place.
fact #5 i have to make a decision about my summer this weekend. i have a choice of four places to go work at. i have no idea what to pick.

-miss wolfe

Not Dead

the rumors of my death are not true. have you ever had one of those hurricane moments in your life where everything goes wrong? this has been the last two weeks for me. it has been a shit storm of fun. i was writing a little but never finished anything, so you will find me updating some older posts so keep an eye for some posts.

-miss wolfe

Food and Sex

i received an e-mail a couple weeks ago about food and sex. it was suggested as things to do for my FFF but i like those to be free form. The email reads

1) Are there foods you find sexual in anyway? 2) If you believe the dinner is sex analogy what is the best part of the meal. The pre sit drink and flirt, the appetizers’, main course, or the desert. 3) Has there ever been foods that have participated in sex, that later was eaten. 4) What is a better date night? A guy who cooks at home. Or a guy who take you too a fancy restaurant. 5) Moist, firm, tender, pink, pie, cherry, and a plethora of other terms can be used too discus sex and food. Have we gone overboard here or should there me more blurring of the lines between sex in food?

i must admit when i think of food and sex the image of Howard Stern's movie Private Parts comes to mind. in particular, the scene where he has the woman in the studio that takes the 13" sausage in her mouth. some of you will probably write about 9 1/2 weeks but i never saw the movie. (on a side note, i reference movies a lot. i have seen way too many.) i don't get to involved with food and sex. chocolate syrup and whipped cream have entered into my sex life but it isn't that often. i never want to do that in my bed because it gets too messy and i don't want to clean it up. another thing, you really have to be close to a shower if you are going to do it.

to me food is more of a foreplay/tease to get people thinking about sex. banana's aren't a sexy food until you see a girl eating one or pretending to eat one. i think this is mostly a male thing in my case. i know there are women out in the world that like to use food to get off. this is definitely not me. its why i have my toys. my dildos feel way better than any cucumber that someone could find for me. i can't fathom why people would want to eat food after they use it for sex. i like sex, i like food, but sex creates sweat (if you do it right). sweat and food don't mix. going back to the chocolate syrup/whipped cream situation, it is foreplay to me. i don't put it on my box fuck a guy then make him eat it off.

sex terms and food terms have always interested me. it is my nerd side coming out. some of the terms are obvious i. e. sausage and dick. i am curious about the etymology of pie meaning pussy. i would love to know how it got to be a slang term. the funniest term i like for dick is meat. the penis doesn't really have any muscle (meat) on it. at the base of the penis, there is muscle but not really anywhere else. especially when one things about jerking their meat. jerk, referring to meat, means to cut up into strips and dry in the sun. this is a really weird connection to masturbating. it would be some sick cannibal that did this. i can remember growing up and my younger brother would refer to his dick as his pickle. we were still very little. it makes me laugh every time i go to eat a pickle. however, most of the terms in the email were adjectives and it is just a coincidence they are used in food and sex.

-miss wolfe

Five Fact Friday

fact #1 i went to my parents house last night because there was a lot of work i needed to do. the chances of me getting work done and parties wasn't going to mix well.
fact #2 i love the version of "somewhere over the rainbow" that is in meet joe black, 50 first dates and i am sure there are more. i like the hawaiian spin on the song.
fact #3 i do my own taxes. i don't know why people can't do them.
fact #4 why does the majority of music suck so much anymore? i heard that new song by madonna. i beg you please, madonna, to give up music and just go away. your time is over! people don't need a woman in their 50's with plastic surgery, singing shitty pop music to them. i suggest a song "4 minutes until i blow my brain out from hearing your ass music".
fact #5 i don't get web geek writing. is it supposed to be creative to write pron instead of porn. is using 3's for e's creative too?

-miss wolfe

There Should Be a Law

there should be a law stating that unattractive people shouldn't post video's of them fucking online. i get horny sometimes and look for something to watch on the interweb. lets use our imagination. i go to my website for this kind of thing. my hormones are going, my pussy is wet with excitement. the page comes up and 80% of the videos are unattractive people with beer guys naked. what the hell! this is supposed to get me to touch myself and masturbate. its killing my "buzz".

i am not telling them not to have sex or tape it, but why on earth do you want to put that out on the internet. i am all about being freaky but making people lose their horny mood isn't cool. there is a common sense approach to this problem. if you can look in the mirror confidently about yourself, you are allowed to put your sex video on the internet. if you can't look at the mirror without saying your fat, out of shape, ugly, ... ; you don't put it on the net. the punishment for violating this law should be confiscating of your camera and not allowed to buy another.

-miss wolfe

Day 3

my room was clear after my experience with quick draw. i went to sleep as soon as i hit the bed. it was 7 in the morning when i woke up. there is something about the beach that makes my internal clock get me up early. i determined i do this because i want to run on the beach. it is relaxing to me. i didn't expect others to be up for a while. i changed into my running stuff and went out. i got back an hour later to the roommate still sleeping. i knew i had lots of time so i grabbed a toy to take into the shower with me. i ended up spending a half hour in the shower. it felt so great. i went down for breakfast after my shower. there were lots of good looking people there. i took a chance and sat down by someone eating alone. we talked and had some laughs. when i got up to my room, my roommate was up and getting ready to go out.

the day at the beach was typical spring break type stuff. it was crowded, hot guys and girls, etc... . i am not one to lay there on the beach most of the time. i like to play volleyball or get in the water. if i lay there in the sun, i am so damn bored. i played some frisbee, football and was in the ocean. i think the guys love having a girl play with them. there was a guy that i was really digging, so it was a good reason to get up to play. i would purposely get close to him or rub up against him. i guess i was marking my territory if you wanted to put words to the actions. he would grab me with his hands sometimes. he had nice strong hands. i was getting wet around him. it was sad but i really needed to go at some point because i wanted to get a nap before i went out that night. if i didn't, i would be tired and not much fun. before i went to my room, i suggested that he show up somewhere that night.

i found myself hoping he would show up as i walked to my room. i got out of my bikini and got in my bed. i went to sleep pretty fast. it seemed as soon as i closed my eyes, i woke up again to get a shower to go out that night. i woke up extremely horny. it wouldn't be a good sign for that night so while i was showering, i masturbated. its sad when i am taking tips from there's something about mary. my roommate comments on the time i was in the shower. we don't really have secrets because we live together at school and i walked in on her fucking a couple times so i told her i needed to rub one out. she got her shower as i dressed. i think i was looking good. i did debate on wearing underwear or going commando. my sexual urges won that argument and i ended up going commando.

my roommate and i show up at the club. this is the bad thing about spring break they are too full, not too much room to move in the common places. we started off by dancing with each other, it is the easiest way to get attention other than kissing each other. we danced for a couple songs until some guys came and pulled us apart from each other. i was really getting into her. i was enjoying feeling he up next to me. however, a sexy guy does just as good. i danced some more and just got to the point that i needed a break so i went to get a drink. i turned around after getting my drink to see the guy from the beach with some of his friends. i managed to make my way over to him without spilling my drink on me so i could mark him as my territory for a bit. we talked for a bit before i pulled him out on the dance floor. dancing is the best form of public foreplay. i made sure i was turning him on when i danced with him. his dick was hard because i could feel it press up against me at times. this was just encouragement to rub up against him more.

after a couple drinks and some more dancing, he was ready to explode. his dancing basically evolved to dry humping me. however, i wasn't exactly dry. we ended up against a wall kissing, his hands grabbing at me. i guided one of his hands under my skirt. he got the idea as his hands went up to find my wet pussy. his fingers quickly found their way inside me. i groaned at first when they went inside me. i moved my hips in time with his fingers, it felt so good. i wasn't paying attention to anything around us so i don't know if anyone was watching. i was lost in the sensations he was giving my pussy. it took a short couple minutes for my pussy to explode with pleasure. i grabbed his hand as he pulled it from my dress. i put his fingers in my mouth to taste my juices. i made sure to give him a kiss after, so he could taste me too. i felt guilty not giving him anything in return. i took him by the hand and went to the bathrooms. in the bathroom, i gave him a quick blow job. he blew a big load in my mouth which i swallowed and enjoyed.

eventually, i ended back up at the hotel room. the roommate wasn't back yet so i stripped down and crawled into my bed to sleep. i was woke up at some point by my roommate coming into the room. she wasn't alone though. they must of thought i was asleep because they started to fuck. the sounds coming from their bed started to get to me. i could feel myself getting wet again. my hand found its way down between my legs. i was looking at them through my covers while masturbating. it was like my own little porno. when it came time for me to orgasm, i had to put my face in my pillow so they didn't hear me. the orgasm felt so good.

- miss wolfe

Five Fact Friday

fact #1 i have been super bitchy lately. i twisted my ankle earlier this week and haven't been out to run. running is the way i relax and get rid of stress.
fact #2 i love cheese. you can always find a couple different types of cheese in my fridge.
fact #3 i am officially sick of movies and television. there isn't one original idea. they are going to remake 90210, not like all the failure remakes from the 80's gave them a clue. not to mention, they are planning of doing remakes of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and Short Circuit. of all the movies to remake from the 80's, why do you pick a steve guttenberg and keanu reeves movie. i think they need drug testing for the executives of these companies.
fact #4 i am convinced the world is doomed. time magazine has this "Who is Most Influential" thing going. it changes with the votes but since i have been watching it the top ten is filled with the dumbest people. someone has to explain to me how these people are influential. it makes me sad for my generation.
fact #5 i have been wanting a bath lately. i need one of those big soaking tubs so i can sit in there for a good half hour in hot water.

- miss wolfe

Jesus a pimp?

the above pictures are from amazon. i needed the pictures so the blog would make sense when the page is removed. this post isn't about the costume because lets face it, halloween costumes are way out of control. this is more about the "product features". i have to ask myself how badly does amazon want to get rid of these remaining costumes. the first line of the features is "makes a great easter costume". in what world, does a pimp costume have anything to do with easter? the only thing relating easter and prostitution is Mary Magdalene. she is often referred to as a prostitute. is amazon calling Jesus her pimp? all of a sudden The Da Vinci Code makes sense to me. it wasn't that Mary and Jesus were married. he was her pimp. she knew all this stuff because he talked to her about the problems he was having. this makes the gospel of mary true.

let's go out on a limb. i am considering the easter bunny. (i never understood the origin of a bunny and easter.) the easter bunny needs some updating for the current time. they name stadiums after companies, events have sponsors. in the name of branding the easter bunny should be branded by playboy. it isn't the easter bunny is the playboy easter bunny. this means the pimp would be Hef. if you take away the hat, it sort of looks like pajamas. everyone loves Hef, so i think he could pull this off. it can be playboy presents easter. at all the easter egg hunts, there can be a woman in the bunny costume jumping around hiding the candy. they would have to remember the patented playboy bunny dip. finally, there is finally a holiday all the american fathers can get behind.

-miss wolfe